The ritual and routine of running

Do you ever think about the ritual and routine of running? I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, as I consider the rhythmic pattern that comes with regular activity. 

The act of pulling on my leggings, fixing up my hair, tying my laces and setting my phone, all help me to prepare for my run and get into the right headspace. It’s a process that has evolved without conscious thought.  Of course, there are still days when I have to drag myself out the door. But because I’ve now prepared for a run many, many times before, there’s a groove…a path… my mind follows, which makes it so much easier to get out there now than it was when I first started.

I am fully aware that this is not a particularly profound thought. Any regular activity, good or bad, creates pathways in our brains that we follow unconsciously. Negatively this can mean reaching for the vodka when we’re stressed or talking ourselves down when we’re anxious. Positively though, it means knowing that a run will happen when I follow a set sequence of events and pull on my running gear...however I’m feeling before I start getting ready to go out.

The last year or so I’ve taken routine to a new level and have found myself following the same or a similar route each time I go for a run. Also I always go out in the mornings. Stepping back and looking at my behaviour, I can see that my current routine: what I wear, the route I take, the time of day I go – has become somewhat ritualistic.

I have had moments when I’ve wondered if I’m becoming too settled. But there is also a worth to be had in routine. Jogging around my regular haunt of Marston Marshes in the south east of Norwich, Norfolk, I have been rewarded with much closer observations of nature than I’ve ever experienced in any other landscape. I’ve never spent so much time in one wild place before.

A local nature writer, Mark Cocker, wrote a book called Claxton based on nature observations around his village, and said: ‘In order to know it properly, a landscape requires routine and repetition…If ever one examines  the process of nature then very few of them happen in a hurry…To do things routinely, to take the same walk time after time is not to see the same view over and over. It is to notice the incremental rate of natural change and to appreciate that nothing is ever repeated…Every time it is unique.”

Over the last year or so, I’ve been privileged to watch a pair of swans build their nest amongst the reeds and sit there dutifully until their five signets hatched. Then I watched the family grow daily, until one morning, loud honking and the rhythmic loud smack of wingbeats on water filled the air, as the parents taught their signets to fly. Now, as spring approaches, there’s just one signet surviving, its transformation from “ugly duckling” to “fine swan” almost complete.

I’ve watched the hawthorn bushes turn from white snowy blossom in spring to berried bare branches in winter and now there are fresh green leaves budding as the days lengthen and the temperatures warm.

One of my favourite pastimes has been taking five or ten minutes out after a run to walk through the marshes listening to the birdsong. Through an app called Picture Bird, I’ve given myself a real lift when I’ve managed to identify a bird by its song for the first time. Hearing a chiff-chaff and recognising it amidst the morning chorus of birdsong was a definite highlight moment for me.

 For me, Cocker’s observations about walking in nature can also be applied to jogging. I know most naturalists would scoff at this, as to truly observe the natural world, we need to be still, but there’s still some truth in his statement for runners. Each time I jog around the marshes, I notice the changing light as the days get longer and spring approaches. I sense the increased bird activity as springtime approaches and nesting begins.  I splash through muddy puddles, know that in a few months the ground will be hard, dry and cracked. Best of all, I relish the warmer weather, as it will mean I’ll be able to jump into the Yare river after my jog for a quick cool down. Currently the river is chill, grey and muddy.

When we make a commitment to start something new, it isn’t easy. Choosing an activity, deciding what kit to buy, when to go, who to go with…requires commitment. Then after the initial flush of enthusiasm, there’s often a lull, and it can all feel like too much of an effort to get out there at all. The patterns…the habits…the custom of regular exercise have not yet been laid down, which I’m sure is why it’s so difficult to commit to new practices.

But if you do find something like running that works for you, stick with it. The act of  getting out there…week on week… leads to changes in your brain… chemical changes in the neural pathways, which definitely make it easier, as the days, weeks and months pass by.   

So if you’re starting out with running and struggling to get going at times, do keep faith. It does get easier. And for those of you who do already appreciate the pleasures of running, look around you. Even if you live in a city and your only green space is the local park or a tree-lined street, nature is still about you everywhere. There’s a beautiful world out there – even in the tiniest corner of your area. Watch, observe and enjoy as you run. And hopefully…each step will make it easier for you to get out there next time…and help your own routine and rituals to evolve.

Body shape and not running

How do you cope when you can’t run? Do you get fidgety, low moods or do you just get on with some other activity quite happily? I miss running. I miss the routine. I miss the way it helps me to clear my mind. I miss the connection I feel to my body through running, which makes me more appreciative of my health.

It’s been six weeks since I last ran due to a foot injury and, on the whole, I’ve managed well. It’s actually given me an opportunity to follow through on some other activities that I enjoy like: longer dog walks; writing; riding my bike (first time after a long break); and gardening.

However, this week, I have struggled. We all have demons that have the potential to surface when we’re experiencing changes to our routine or when we are feeling stressed, and this has definitely been happening to me recently. For when I was younger, I really struggled with my body image and food. “Good foods”, “bad foods”, starvation diets, followed by binges, followed by purges – this yo-yo existence and single-minded focus upon my body shape ruled my world. Bulimia is a wretched illness that robbed me of so much self-worth and happiness for many years. When I look back on this time of my life now, I have an overwhelming sense of sadness and shame.

It upsets and angers me greatly that these issues are just as relevant today as they were 20-30 years ago. Only this week, pop rebel Billie Eilish described her relationship with her body image as being a “truly terrible horrible thing”. And as we all know, she is not alone. In fact, I’m sure almost every woman in western culture has had some issues with their body shape at some time or other. Thank God, feelings like those are now largely designated to the past for me.

Through recovery, I have learnt to accept my body and finally, through running, I’ve actually learnt to love it.

When I started jogging four years ago, it felt like the final piece in my recovery puzzle had been put into place. My relationship with my body now is so much more complex than it used to be. Rather than just coming to terms with my body shape, running has given me strength and confidence. I feel a true connection to my body’s capabilities and marvel at the way my body functions to keep me healthy. These values are so much more important than worrying about the size of my thighs. The liberation this has brought me has been immeasurable. I so wish I’d discovered running 20 or more years ago.

But like anyone who has experienced mental health difficulties, the negative thoughts, the self-criticism – can sometimes resurface. This week, I’ve found myself struggling with some of my old eating disorder thinking. Alarm bells started ringing the other day when I went in to a café for a coffee and a cake. They had the calorie content of every item on the menu chalked up in large figures on a blackboard – a disastrous and triggering approach for anyone with food issues and I found myself thinking, “Well as I’m not running at the moment, I’ll get an black Americano rather than a cappuccino and one of the lower calorie cakes”. And yesterday, I could feel myself getting anxious about my body size – even though my clothes fit me as comfortably as they did when I was running.

You may well say, quite rightly, that these are very minor experiences. In fact for many women, these feelings are a part of normal, everyday life. That doesn’t make them healthy thoughts though and, in my case, that is missing the point completely. For when these feelings occur, it has far less to do with the rational, reality of the situation, than the level of anxiety and upset that they cause me. These are warnings signs, albeit very small ones, that I need to get this eating disorder gremlin by the scruff of the neck and banish it back to the trash can at the earliest opportunity.

As any of you out there on a journey through addiction, mental illness or struggles know – recovery is rarely linear. It definitely gets easier as the days, months and years go by, but there are always times when we get overwhelmed, fall back on old bad habits or just struggle to cope with change. And it can happen many years after we’ve ‘recovered’. For those old brain synapse pathways still have the ability, on occasions,  to reroute and return to our old ways of thinking if we’re not vigilant. For me, getting back on track can be as simple as making an effort for a couple of days to return to intuitive eating – eating consciously. This means making an effort to cook and enjoy what I really want to eat and stopping when I’m full.

And just getting out the house more often.

 Putting my thoughts in to words and writing this blog today has also helped.

So has listening to a podcast about eating disorder recovery (I would definitely recommend Finding Your Freedom With Food by Harriet Frew).

For my friend Sarah, who featured on the first episode of Why Run? and is a recovering alcoholic, it is making sure she reflects upon her day each evening and expresses gratitude for her sobriety and all the good things in her life. We all have our individual ways of being kind and taking care of ourselves. The most important thing is to be aware, to identify those negative thoughts when they occur and to either challenge them robustly or to distract ourselves diligently.

I can’t wait to get back to jogging -  to feel more connected to my body and to feel its strength and stamina sustain me on my run. It’s still a couple of weeks ‘til I reach this point, but my foot is getting better and I’ll be there soon. Meanwhile, I’m going to do my best to enjoy the many other aspects of life I can appreciate while I’m injured. I am trying to live as consciously as I can for the next few days until I get back on track. I have started doing some Pilates stretches and that has helped me reconnect with my body again (should have started weeks ago).

Also on the agenda is to go to a café again sometime soon when I fancy something sweet and to pick out a cake I really want to eat, rather than the one with fewest calories.  And I’ll take my time and enjoy every mouthful too!  

The mental health benefits of running

Life is messy. It can be unfair. It can be lonely. It can be exhausting, frightening, worrying. At times, it can be downright overwhelming. We all need something in life to help us through when we’re feeling stressed or low. We all know too about how we can end up making ourselves worse by overindulging… whether its food, booze, weed, gambling, box sets or just not going out the house. 

As I’ve got older, I’ve realised there’s no one-fix way to feeling better at such times. Someone once described the best way forward as a paintbox of solutions and I love that image – taking a little bit of one colour, adding another, to find a good mix that day – something that works for me. This might be seeing a friend; getting out the house to  work in a café when I’m feeling stressed and to stop me picking food at home; asking for a hug; or going for a walk. There’s lots of little ways we can all help ourselves when we’re struggling. 

And one of the things that has helped me most consistently in recent years, is running. It’s now the brightest colour in my paintbox of self-care. 

 I started running three years ago following the NHS couchto5k app. My initial motivation was to improve my physical health after a cancer scare, but it’s definitely the mental health benefits that have kept me getting out there week-on-week. For me, life feels better after a run and judging by the number of people I see out jogging daily, doing Park Runs and attending the hundreds of running events up and down the country, I am not alone.   

 If you look up the mental health benefits of running, the list includes the following:

• the release of endorphins - the body’s natural anti-depressants. 

• the soothing and relaxing effect of its rhythmic and repetitive nature.  

• reducing stress – if you’re out on a run, it’s difficult to hold on to worrying thoughts for a long period as you get distracted.

• boosting confidence – most people who go running set themselves a goal. It doesn’t matter how modest it is, it’s just about finding something that’s right for you. And when you achieve it, life feels better. 

• and the list goes on…   

 On the first episode of Why Run?, launching next week, my guest Sarah, who is a recovering alcoholic, has made running a part of her life. ‘Just as I plan the night before what I’m going to eat, I plan when I’m going to go for a run. It’s one of the few things I do in life for me,’ she says.

 ‘You can set off in a bad mood and pound the streets and come back with a completely different mindset, probably every time.’

My guest Coco has always used running as her “go to” sport, but found it took on a new, more important significance after she left an abusive partner. 

 ‘I honestly don’t believe I’d be alive today if it wasn’t for running. It was such a good sport for me to do at that time,’ she explained. ‘After feeling the least free you possibly can, it gave me physical and mental freedom. We have a tendency to stay indoors when we’re depressed. Getting outside, getting some vitamin D and the visual change of scenery were so important for me. Seeing something other than my four walls, particularly after coronavirus, meant that after every run, I felt so good.’ 

 One of the things I love most about running is its simplicity. All you need is a pair of running shoes (and maybe a phone if you’re going to follow an app to get you started). No gym membership, no special equipment and, if you’re an outdoor runner like me, you’re out there under the sky feeling the sun, rain, wind, whatever, on your face and the air in your lungs. It makes me feel more feel more connected to the world.  When I go for a run, it’s just me and the great outdoors. 

 My guest Dan, who suffers from depression, got in to running after a rather drunken Christmas work event, where he signed up for a charity challenge event. And not just any event, but the London Marathon. He regretted it the morning after, but it opened a new door for him. Dan has now gone on to take part in numerous events, races and Tough Mudder challenges. Basically, if there’s a T-shirt and medal to be won, Dan will take part. ‘At my absolute worst, going for a run gave me a reason to get up and out of bed. That was key for me. My advice for anyone considering running is give it a go. Don’t over complicate it.’  

 I’ve got some fantastic guests lined up for you in the coming weeks. They’re all the more amazing because they’ve been so open about their struggles and sharing them on the show. It ain’t easy opening up about difficult experiences, but generally we feel better when we do. Mainly because it means we’re not alone. The more we can share, the more we can support each other. So welcome to the Why Run? podcast.  

 Happy listening. 

And we’re off…the launch of Why Run?

Oh my God, I can’t believe I am FINALLY launching my Why Run? podcast. To say it has been a difficult birth, wouldn’t be strictly true. But it’s certainly been a very long labour (of love) indeed.

It’s been quite a journey for me as with extremely limited broadcast experience and a complete lack of technical know-how, it has taken me quite a while to get to this point. (Thank you YouTube.) Add to this, the need to carry on with my day job, a global pandemic and a few other things requiring my attention.

One of the best things about the planning and preparation taking so long, is that it’s been the most amazing motivator to keep running. When I go for a run, I always try and think about anything other than how far I’ve got to go. Having Why Run? on my mind has been a great motivator for two reasons. Firstly, every run provides new source material for what I’d like to talk about. And secondly, I can hardly give up running, if I’m trying to launch a podcast on its amazing benefits!

Whatever exercise/activity/pastime we do, it always requires motivation to keep going after that initial flurry of enthusiasm. That source of inspiration, that ‘you want to do this’ or ‘you must do this’ voice, is different in each of us. And that’s what fascinates me - and made me want to do Why Run?

Each of my guests on the show has taken up or continued running for a different reason. In the first series, I talk to Sarah who runs to help keep her mind clear and prevent her drinking. I talk to Dan, who has experienced severe depression in the past and finds the training for challenge events a huge source of motivation and mood lifter. And Coco who faced extreme difficulties after leaving an abusive relationship and used running to provide some sense of control and self-worth when she needed it most. And that’s just for starters.

For my friends and family who have known me for a long time, I’m sure there are a few raised eyebrows or muffled sniggers when I now describe myself as a runner. I was always the party girl and any form of sport for most of my life has been a complete turn-off.

As a child, my idea of living hell was primary school sports day and my only accolade from these occasions was coming second in the sack race…once! Competitive sports were the worst of times for me and, like many teenagers, I placed the furthest distance possible between myself and the PE teachers when I got to secondary school. 

When I was 19, my then-boyfriend bought me a pair of running shoes for my birthday. Looking back now, it was a bit weird, as at the time I smoked 20 a day and spent many of my evenings in the pub. But he, being a runner, obviously had my best interests at heart and I can still picture the shoes today. Bright blue Nikes with a yellow tick. At the time, I did my best to impress him and went on a single jog of around three miles without any training that just about half killed me. No great surprise then that it left me feeling achy and miserable and I’m sure my running shoes were only ever worn to the shops after this mad burst of effort.

Following the Couch to 5k three years ago, was definitely a breakthrough moment for me. Its gradual build-up and sense of achievement week-by-week, bowled me over. I know this sounds incredibly naive to all of you out there who have always enjoyed sport or a challenge, but it was new to me. (I’m well-known for being rather slow and stubborn when it’s come to heeding good advice.) And I’m sure if it has taken me this long to find well-being and fulfilment through exercise, then I’m not alone.

I still have zero interest in competitive sport. Partly because I’m never going to win anything at my age and my speed; but more importantly, because I actually find measuring distances travelled, calories burned, average speed per km…and so on….all a complete turn-off. I appreciate not everyone agrees, but that’s just me. Also there are already a thousand sites and podcasts dedicated to helping you improve your personal best.

I am so excited about launching the Why Run? podcast series. This really is happening. Thanks to my family and friends who, over the last year, have had to tolerate lots of conversations about the launch of Why Run? and have been incredibly generous in providing puppy-like praise and affirmation along the way to help keep me on track.

And thank you most of all to my guests, who have been so generous in sharing their personal experiences for this first series, without really having a clue as to what they were signing up to. Chatting to my guests is my favourite part of this whole podcast-thing and I know you will love hearing their wonderful, open, enlightening and life-affirming interviews.

We’re on the starting line. It’s time to launch our first challenge. So let’s get on our marks.